𝐄𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐬. 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐲. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧? 𝐓𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐰𝐞’𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟… 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐉𝐨𝐢𝐧 𝐮𝐬, 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐬𝐭: 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞, 𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞? 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬…
THE EMERGENCY TRIO VS THE TROLLEY PROBLEM[]
Kalyutim[]
A sudden rush of energy gave way to an ominously empty 3-dimensional white plane. Kalyutim had been teleported into a fictional and poorly drawn hypothetical. When trying to fly upwards, he found himself pulled down by some ungodly force. Oh no, oh no… This plane was home to his mortal enemy… gravity.
𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥… 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨-
“WHERE AM I?!?!?” Kalyutim shouted at nothing in particular.
… 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐧-
“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!?” Kalyutim shouted at something in particular, though in no direction of value as the voice seemed to emanate from everywhere.
-𝐇𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡!
About to question where the trolley was, Kalyutim’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a quiet bell ringing and a slow rattling from behind him. Hovering as far off the ground as he was able to, which was seemingly about a meter, the purple Supergod turned around and saw a black outline of a trolley travelling down what seemingly passed for 'tram tracks', but which were clearly just two attempts at straight lines drawn with limited precision.
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭-𝐨𝐟-𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬, 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐝. 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫-
Kalyutim heard the sound of a pencil scribbling to his right and whipped around to see that a crudely drawn lever had materialized next to him.
-𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦.
Kalyutim glanced at the two tracks and six people in front of him, then back at the lever, then around for any source of the voice, which he still couldn’t place.
𝐒𝐨, 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐦, 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫?
He stops and thinks for a moment.
“…Why am I here?!”
𝐘- 𝐮𝐡, 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐝! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞!
“Why am I supposed to play by your rules??” Kalyutim questioned. “Aren’t you the one who tied these people up in the first place? Why can’t you just untie them?”
𝐈’𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!
“Screw your stupid hypothetical, I’m fixing this myself!” He shouted, then flew towards the tramway tracks at inadequate speed.
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞! 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐫𝐲, 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲-
But the voice was interrupted by Kalyutim yelling some sort of rallying cry as he threw himself without hesitation in front of the trolley, throwing his arms out as if intending to slow it down with sheer force of will. Unsurprisingly, the trolley did not slow down as it crashed into and flattened the Supergod.
𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬, 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞-
“Gah!”
A purple hand suddenly grasped the side of the trolley. Slowly, an injured Kalyutim crawled out from underneath the moving vehicle, barely able to steady himself against the doorway to the cabin. Turns out, having no legs is a good way to not get your legs crushed.
Kalyutim looked out as the trolley passed the turning to the other track. No other way out now. Having no idea how to use a door handle, he simply pulled until the door flew off its hinges, only to realize he was equally knowledgeless about how to drive a trolley. Oh great, apparently whoever drew this stupid scenario was too lazy to label the controls!
𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲.
Vaguely knowing levers controlled vehicles, Kalyutim started pulling on the largest lever as hard as he could. The voice tried to mention he was pulling it the wrong way, but the purple Supergod pulled so hard the base snapped in two and threw both him and half the lever backwards, crashing into the other end of the trolley.
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐞, 𝐢𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐞! 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲!
“Rrrrrrggghhhh- JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME FOCUS!” Kalyutim screamed, ‘focusing’ all his energy into senselessly bashing every other control until they were all equally inoperable. At the very least, it seemed the brake lever itself was unbreakable, if only its base held the same property. The bell rang again as the five victims grew closer. No. Kalyutim was NOT going to let a hypothetical this stupid beat him! What else can he smash besides the controls?
…Suddenly getting an idea, he stuck his head out of the trolley and glanced down at the wheels below, then back at the victims ahead.
𝐈’𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬! 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝-
“Oh, SAVE YOUR WORTHLESS BREATH FOR ONCE!!” Kalyutim bellowed, plunging the lever through the frame holding the wheels in place and into one of the wheels, locking the wheel in place once the far sturdier lever became lodged in the side frame, instantly halting all movement on one side of the trolley, while the wheels on the other side continued spinning fast as ever. The trolley lurched to the left so hard it was tipped off the rail and crashed into the ground with such force the roof was split open, and the backup diesel engine was torn in two with it. Kalyutim had managed to jump clear of the trolley before the entire thing went up in flames. Nobody had died.
𝐎- 𝐨𝐡…
“…HA!!!” Kalyutim yelled at the heavens. “WHO NEEDS YOUR STUPID LEVER NOW?!?”
𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭. …𝐖-𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐱 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡, 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞! …𝐒𝐚𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲?
“Huh? Why?” Kalyutim questioned the voice. “Doesn’t the lever just switch the tracks? I don’t think that trolley is going anywhere right now.” He looked at the burning wreck in pieces next to the tracks.
𝐘𝐞𝐬, 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭… 𝐔𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐚 ‘𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬’. 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰.
“Paperwork?!” Kalyutim scoffed. “You kidnap me against my will and force me to solve a life and death dilemma and you think I care about your paperwork?!?” The purple Supergod shouted to the heavens.
𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞… 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞!
“Too bad! You should’ve thought about that before you kidnapped me! I found a solution that doesn’t rely on your stupid binary, and you’re going to write in your paperwork that I refuse to legitimize your trolley nonsense!” Kalyutim demanded, crossing his arms. “I am not pulling that lever!”
𝐖-𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞…,
The voice gave way to the familiar sound of scribbling from Kalyutim’s left.
𝐎-𝐨𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤! 𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬!
Kalyutim looked left. Indeed there were!
𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲! 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤, 𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥! 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦! 𝐍𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐔𝐍𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒: 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥, 𝐮𝐡- 𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐬! 𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐠𝐮𝐧𝐬! 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞d! 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.
Kalyutim eyed the time-sensitive situation up and down, then asked the ether: “…Really?”
𝐖𝐡𝐚- 𝐲𝐞𝐬, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲. 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲!
“I don’t see any bombs on those guns.” Kalyutim said. The sound of six quick dotting motions. Five plainly visible circles with dots in the middle now sat on the guns. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞.
“Okay, thanks.” Kalyutim replied nonchalantly before immediately grabbing the rifle of the nearest terrorist and haphazardly firing in every direction somewhat related to ‘forward’ with abysmal aim, shooting enough bullets to strike the bombs on the other guns, among other things. The five terrorists exploded as Kalyutim whacked the sixth next to him with the other end of his gun. “Problem solved.”
𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬… 𝐫𝐫𝐫𝐫𝐠𝐠𝐡, 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞! 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐲𝐞𝐭, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐞𝐫𝐦… Another scribbling sound, and then a loud ‘clank’ from above. 𝐎𝐡 𝐧𝐨! 𝐒𝐢𝐱 𝐚𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐱 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫!
“Oh, this is getting ridiculous!” The purple Supergod protested. “How exactly does pulling the lever get rid of the anvils? What, are there bombs in the anvils too?!”
𝐄𝐫, 𝐘𝐄𝐒! 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭! 𝐁𝐨𝐦𝐛𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐬! 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠.
“Good.” Kalyutim said, taking the bomb off his gun and throwing it in the air, shooting the bomb as soon as it neared the anvils. The explosion activated the bombs inside the nearest anvils via proximity, starting a chain of explosions that shattered the anvils. The explosion scattered the anvils’ remains across the white plane, but none landed on their intended targets.
𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒, 𝐈-
“I can do this all day.” Kalyutim gloated, spinning the rifle around and accidentally hitting himself in the face with it.
The voice grumbled to itself. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞…
Kalyutim waits to hear another stroke of a pencil, but there’s only silence.
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞.
Three seconds had already passed, and Kalyutim stayed still.
𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭! 𝐏𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐍𝐎𝐖!
The Supergod prepared to swiftly move but held his position for now.
𝐎𝐍𝐄! 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬!
Kalyutim clenched his fists and waited for the cue.
𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎!
The first hint of a pencil touching paper. Kalyutim spun around and immediately grabbed hold of whatever was behind him, yanking it from whoever was previously holding it.
The purple Supergod expected to find himself holding a ‘very scary weapon’, but instead he was now holding a comically large pencil, about three quarters his own height, with an eraser on the end.
. . . . . . . . .
𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤.
Kalyutim thought for a second. “…No.”
𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭’𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞.
“Oh wow, that makes things so much easier!” He mockingly responded in an ear-grating faux-friendly tone. “Now I definitely won’t!”
𝐌-𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤!
“Oh yeah, right, like you had time to draw an invisible assassin that quickly-”
What at first seemed to be an innocent patch of air suddenly lunged at and stabbed Kalyutim’s shoulder. Yep, that’s one invisible assassin. Kalyutim leapt out of the way and pointed the pencil in the direction from which he was stabbed, scribbling all over the formerly invisible assassin. The attacker scampered towards him on all fours and Kalyutim hastily flew backwards far slower, drawing random polygons in front of him that he hoped functioned as shields. The assailant quickly tore through these defenses and, not having time to think, Kalyutim desperately pointed the other end of the pencil at them.
On contact with the red eraser, the assassin suddenly froze in place, hung in the air for a moment, and completely vanished from reality. Kalyutim stared at the eraser in disbelief, before glancing at the tied-up captives and getting a gleefully spiteful idea…
Running the eraser up and down the tramway tracks, Kalyutim wiped away the ropes holding the hostages in place. The six former captives ran for freedom, having gotten a good enough idea of their rescuer’s personality that they didn’t feel the need to thank him. Kalyutim shouted gloating retorts to the skies, aimed at the voice that had fallen unusually silent. “OoOoOoOoOH nooo, some people are tied to a track! Why, I couldn’t possibly think of a good way to help them besides pulling some boring LEVER!!! Clearly, I’m just too stupid and creatively bankrupt to even CONCEIVE of a single other solution!!” The Supergod laughed and spun the pencil through the air, drawing various rude gestures, until lightning suddenly struck the tallest middle finger.
𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫. 𝐎𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐲𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐦 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥, 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞…
Thunder rumbled from every direction as dark clouds materialized overhead. Lightning flickered in the distance. The ground began to shake. One of the former captives begged Kalyutim to just pull the lever already! Kalyutim elected instead to blow a raspberry at the sky.
𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥.
A new object, firm and metallic, struck the ground. A fountain of tar-black, viscous liquid emerged from where it struck, flowing across the page in fine, eloquent strokes, slowly growing and taking the shape of a malformed squid-like creature, writhing and roaring in all directions.
Kalyutim confidently approached the being and poked it with the eraser, but it merely smudged the creature and darkened the eraser.
“Oh… that’s not great.” The purple Supergod admitted, and swiftly ran.
Lightning crackled again, as the heavens opened and black, splotchy hailstones battered all those below. A whirling, paper-staining hurricane tore through the ground behind him. The earth below them began to crack as the quaking intensified. Yet more inky creatures crawled out of the cracks towards him. He was surrounded.
Cmonnn, think, think! There must be a solution. How do you beat a maniacal author with a lever-pulling obsession?
Through the chaos, Kalyutim looked at the still untouched, pencil-drawn lever that started all this. He knew what he must do.
Frantically, the Supergod leapt up and made a mad dash, as fast as gravity would allow, towards the lever. Jumping over eldritch nightmares, just barely dodging outreaching tentacles trying to grab him and drag him into the abyss. Drawing extremely flimsy shields with his pencil to protect against the incurring weather from every angle, all shattering on contact with the far firmer ink. Grabbing onto what looked like a dragon as it soared into the sky, leaping off right as it noticed him, hurling himself in the direction of the lever. As he fell through the air towards the lever, Kalyutim held the pencil upside down, pointing the eraser directly in front of him, and slammed it into the pencil-drawn lever.
The lever vanished from existence. The chaos around him froze. The weather halted. The hurricane dispersed. All manner of terrifying entities fell to the ground unmoving. Kalyutim collapsed with everything else. The hypothetical was over.
Everything that had been drawn existed only to aid a stupid and unrealistic hypothetical that hinged entirely on pulling a lever. Without a lever, the hypothetical couldn’t exist. There was no Trolley Problem anymore, only a Trolley, and it was on fire.
The six former captives looked around, unsure of what to do now. One of the ink creatures slowly got up, deeply confused. “Sorry, um… do I know you?” It asked the unmoving purple Supergod. Kalyutim didn’t have the energy for any more of this nonsense.
The voice, now sounding absolutely exhausted, finally concedes.
…𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐞… 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞… 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫…
Everyone was alive, mostly unharmed, now all with free will. The lever was gone. The hypothetical was defeated. Kalyutim had won.
Omnarin[]
A flurry of electric sparks dissipated to reveal a calm and soothing white plain. Omnarin glided gracefully to the ground, noticing they seem to be pulled downwards by an unusual force. It seems whatever world they’ve entered has gravity! How fun! Omnarin spun in circles a few times to test the strength of the gravity before being distracted by a booming omnidirectional voice.
𝐎𝐦𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥… 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦!
“Ooh!” Omnarin perked up, excitedly looking around for where their new friend was speaking from. “What kind of problem is that? What kind of trolley is involved? What’s wrong with the trolley? Does the trolley have a problem or is the problem caused by the trolley??”
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡, 𝐈 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧:
A quiet bell rang behind Omnarin. They turned around and noticed a trolley peacefully chugging along a track at a pleasant speed.
T𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐭-𝐨𝐟-𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬, 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐝. 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, … …𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐦.
Confused, Omnarin spun around twice before noticing the lever next to her. Oh! That lever! She must have just not seen it earlier.
𝐒𝐨, 𝐎𝐦𝐧𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧, 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫?
The Supergod eyed the lever with some suspicion. “I dunno… it feels a bit harsh. That fella on the other track looks a bit sad about the whole thing to me, I don’t think they want to be hit with a trolley very much. Maybe there’s a better solution?”
𝐈’𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐲! 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐦𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡!
“You sure? The trolley is moving pretty slowly… seems like I have a while to decide.” Omnarin figured.
Irritated, the voice seemed to rustle around an unknown area for something, before a splotchy patch of deep blue liquid appeared on the track in front of the trolley. As soon as the trolley hit it, it was propelled at triple its previous speed.
𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚-
“Woah, is that some kind of shockwave generator?” Omnarin asked excitedly. “That’s so cool… how does it work? Is it triggered by contact, or-”
𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞! 𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐭?
The green Supergod glanced at the morally compromised lever, lightly hit it a couple times, then looked back at the trolley and the two tracks. “…Nah. I’m sure there’s a nicer way to work this all out. I don’t think we need that silly lever.”
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭. 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲. 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.
Omnarin quickly glided over to the single captive on the branching track near to him, quickly untying the largest rope around their waste. As he did, a booming laugh rang out.
𝐈’𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝-
But the voice stopped its monologue upon noticing that Omnarin had simply taken the largest rope and then left the captive still tied to the track. “Sorry! I’ll get the rest of them later!” The Supergod called back.
Watching on with no idea what was even happening at this point, the voice saw the trolley pass the branching track, now certain to hit and kill the other five captives. Meanwhile, Omnarin had tied one end of the rope around the lever for some reason and tied a knot in the other end to create a small lasso. Somehow, despite a poor throw, the lasso flew through the air as if guided by air resistance more than fighting it, easily catching the trolley in its grip. Instead of pulling the lever out of the ground, it was in fact the lever that held firm and the trolley that was flung clean off the tracks and into the air by the sudden pull from behind. The inertia sent the lassoed trolley flying in a circular arc, with Omnarin holding onto the rope and attempting to guide it into a landing position where it wouldn’t flatten anyone. Unfortunately, though he had ensured the lever was unbreakable, the rope was less indestructible. The rope quickly snapped, sending the trolley hurtling through the air backwards along the track it had come from. Happening to crash, of all places, exactly on top of the inky blue shockwave generator.
The larger the force applied to it, the bigger the shockwave. The device seemed to ‘rev up’ for a moment from all the energy deposited on it by the flying trolley. Omnarin looked as though they were excited to somehow ‘take advantage’ of these few seconds and grabbed two pieces of steel track that had been torn from the ground with the trolley moments prior. They placed the metal strips flat on the ground and spun both towards the shockwave generator from different angles.
𝐎𝐡 𝐧𝐨…
The monumental shockwave ripped the tramway tracks out of the ground and into the air in a tsunami of white dirt being lifted and carried like a tidal wave, immediately knocking Omnarin into the air. In the same moment, the steel rail segments spun along the ground in the opposite direction, travelling up the tracks to slice precisely through the bottoms of every rope holding the captives in place, such that instead of being crushed into paste when the shockwave hit, they were instead flung into the air along with Omnarin and the countless pieces of trolley.
While the captives screamed and flailed against the terrifying prospect of being shot into the sky faster than terminal velocity, sure to crash back into the ground soon, Omnarin carelessly glided through the air as though he was being carried by a gust of wind. Noticing the others were having a harder time, the green Supergod grabbed the ropes that had been sent airborne with them and flung them around the limbs of the six terrified hostages. Pulling the six along like a bunch of balloons, Omnarin somehow guided them through the air as weightlessly as she carried herself. Though they were now making a far cleaner and prolonged descent, they were still falling and needed somewhere to land. This situation needed immediate and decisive action lest it end in catastrophe, which is why Omnarin got distracted bundling the airborne trolley bits up in the spare ropes.
“Who knows, we might need them later!” the Supergod justified.
“CAN YOU PLEASE FOCUS?!!!?” The calmest and most collected of the captives shrieked.
“Oh. Right!”
As they neared the ground, Omnarin noticed they were heading towards a small group of buildings surrounded by not much of anything, presumably being used for some future iteration of the trolley problem. Gliding them away from their initial trajectory of a children’s hospital, Omnarin figured the “Infinitely Soft Mattress Store” was a more appealing target. The only problem was all those mattresses were blocked a bit by the building’s roof, which wouldn’t make for as soft a landing. Looking around for a solution, slightly puzzled as the others’ screams got even louder, the Supergod remembered they were still holding that big ball of trolley parts on a string. There’s an idea!
Waiting until they got closer to the building, Omnarin held the rope attached to the ball of nonsense as though it were a bat, preparing to swing it at just the right moment…
… to knock the roof of the building clean off.
With about half a second to spare, the seven crashed into the top floor of the mattress store, harmlessly bouncing between the different mattresses lining the floor and walls. Omnarin seemed to retain the most momentum as they bounced from wall to wall like a rubber ball, eventually crashing into a bedside table and then leaping straight up as though it didn’t hurt. “I solved your puzzle, best buddy!” They gleefully called out to the omnipresent voice stunned into silence.
𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭… …𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐰?
“Sure!” Omnarin gladly obliged, looking around the mattress store for a lever to pull, before settling on a window from which the remains of the tramway tracks were visible, half a mile away. “…Does it happen to have a teleporter attached?”
Tracidel[]
𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐥… 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐜-
*click*
Tracidel pulled the lever without hesitation.
𝐎- 𝐎𝐡…
“Why wouldn’t I pull the lever?”
Tracidel appeared to have materialized with her left arm attached to a long object that resembled the trunk of a thin tree. Though she seemed to struggle with floating under gravity on her own, she established herself by resting the base of the object on the ground like a walking stick as she assessed the situation.
𝐖-𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐞-
“It’s five lives or one life, it’s the easiest decision ever. I’m sure everyone would pull the lever.”
𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥, 𝐲𝐞𝐬, 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞! 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭- … 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝…
Tracidel moved somewhat slowly and disjointedly over to the lone hostage tied to the second track, ignoring their desperate pleas for her to reconsider her decision and instead checking if they could be untied in time. It was clear from the several ropes that she could not.
Instead, she glanced over at the trolley and noticed it was heading towards a strange bulbous blue object on the tracks. Tracidel lifted her weird walking stick into the air and pointed it at the blue object. Suddenly, the end of the stick extended and flung itself forty meters forward, attaching itself to the ground next to the blue object, tied to the rest of the stick by a collection of tiny wires. The wires suddenly recoiled, reeling the yellow Supergod towards the trolley at immense speeds, which she seemed to be accustomed to, landing comfortably by the side of the tracks as she came to a gradual stop.
𝐖𝐨𝐚𝐡!
“Even if I had some other idea for how these people could be saved, the chances of me perfectly executing that plan in the time it takes the trolley to pass would surely be miniscule. It’d be an absurd risk to take.”
𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭, 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮-
Tracidel picked the inky blue object off the tracks and rapped her hand against it quickly; the force of the light tap was suddenly sent up her arm threefold, causing her to nearly drop the object. Turning it over, she found the other side was instead bright red, and upon tapping it, her hand went slightly limp for a moment. Noticing an opportunity, Tracidel placed the object back on the tracks red side up as the trolley neared. As soon as it hit the object, much of its momentum vanished and it found itself rolling along at a walkable speed. With the help of her extendable stick thing, that the voice was now realizing must be a Tether, the Supergod quickly boarded the trolley.
“And even if I were so vain and arrogant as to be confident that I could somehow piece together and pull off such a perfect plan in a matter of seconds, I should still obviously pull the lever first, just to be safe in case I fail!”
𝐘-𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐮𝐭- …
Eyeing the controls, Tracidel quickly realized she had no idea how to stop the trolley. Oh well. She did notice a broken jagged metal lever that had clearly been torn out of the controls. Grabbing the sharp object, she leapt off the trolley with ease (now that it was moving slower than she was) and with her Tether, reeled herself back over to the other end of the tracks.
“Pulling the lever takes so little time and effort and couldn’t possibly be detrimental to whatever else I was planning.” Tracidel said as she slowly sliced one of the ropes off the nearest captive along the main track with the jagged end of the brake lever, tying a knot in one of the severed ends. “Regardless of how confident I might be in my ability to save everyone without it, I’d have to be insane not to pull it.”
Having taken just one rope, Tracidel stuck her Tether firmly to the ground and tied one end of the rope around it. As the trolley leisurely turned onto the other track, the yellow Supergod simply hobbled up and placed the other end of the rope around the side of the trolley, before holding her Tether firm. With the trolley carrying so little momentum, this successfully held it in place for now.
“It’s the simplest logic in existence! That’s why everyone always gives the same answer.”
The rope wasn’t holding, but it didn’t need to. While the trolley was immobilized, Tracidel walked over to the lone and still terrified potential victim and began slicing their ropes with the broken lever.
“I literally can’t think of a single possible reason why anyone,”
She quickly severed all five ropes from the track, just as the rope holding the trolley in place snapped.
“would ever,”
She lifted the captive up and off the track as the trolley began to move again, albeit very slowly.
“not pull the lever.”
Tracidel began cutting the ropes of the five captives along the main track as the trolley continued on its merry way along the now empty track. The sixth captive was shaken by what felt at first like a close call, but other than that, it was a fairly calm experience for all involved.
𝐑-𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥… 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐲 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦, 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞.
Tracidel seemed indifferent.
“I mean, the answer was so obvious, I’m not sure how anyone could fail.”
